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helping children deal with a divorce

Divorce and Children

Written by: Jillian Hester



Divorce, Children, and the Emotions that Follow
It's bad enough to deal with a divorce when there are no children involved, but when divorce and children go hand in hand, it can be a nightmare. Not only will the parents feel guilty about their marriage failing, but they will feel guilty for not being a whole family anymore for the children. There are so many emotions that come along with this, from sadness and anger to guilt and insecurity. While there isn't anything you can say or do to your children that will make things instantly better, there are some things that you can do to make the situation better.

Talk to Them -
Just because you don't want your child to know all the gory details that caused the divorce doesn't mean you can't talk to them. In fact, it's important that you do talk to them. If you think you're confused, they really have no clue what's going on or what's going to happen next. Talking to them about the situation and reassuring them that everything is going to work out is a good idea. They need to know that you are still a family, and that both of their parents love them very much. They also need to know that no matter what happens, they will be alright, and that sad times don't last forever. Children and divorce are a bad combination, but if you keep good communication going, they will feel a lot better.

Attention -
When you're trying to deal with work, bills, children and divorce, it can get a little frustrating. Not to mention your own emotions about your divorce, however, spending a little extra time with them can really help them adjust to the way things are now. It doesn't have to be a whole lot. Simply spending twenty minutes at night talking to them, or sitting down during the day and having a great lunch together is very beneficial to them. It helps reassure them that things really will be okay, and that they are loved and important. If you can find any extra time at all to do things with them, do it. If you can't, use the time you already have. When you pick them up from school, turn the radio station to their favorite type of music and sing really loudly with them. Whatever it takes for them to have some of your time, and to enjoy it!

Family Time -
The last thing you probably want to do is spend time with your spouse, but when you spend time with them and your children together, it is good for the kids. You don't have to do this all the time, but every once in a while for the mother, father and children to be together is good. You want the children to understand that it's okay for them to talk about the other parent, or have fun with them. Kids pick up on a lot of things, and you don't want them to feel awkward when talking to you about your spouse. Doing what you can to make things easier isn't hard. Just use the tips and ideas above, and things will work out just fine.

 

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