Life After Divorce: Picking up the pieces, and moving on
Written by: Brent Hannity
The term life after divorce is often viewed as an oxymoron by those who are experiencing the situation firsthand. It is incredibly easy to say that life does go on, and that things will get better, especially when it isn't actually happening to you. However, unbelievable as it may seem right now, there really can be life after divorce, but only if you choose to live one.
Since you are the only one who can control not only your emotions, but also your reactions to those emotions, you know that you have the choice between living for the now and for the benefit of your future, or staying fixated on things you cannot change. Staying mired in the past, allowing it to dictate the rest of your life not only makes little sense, but also does yourself a great disservice.
Life after divorce involves so much more than remembering to change all of your accounts, or finding a new place to live. Some people make the grave mistake of allowing a divorce to rob them of their identity, if they aren't busy being someone's significant other, then who are they?
This all too common trap keeps people in a perpetual state of not being able to move forward or get on with their life. Losing one's sense of identity is perhaps one of the worst things in terms of self-esteem issues, personal growth and development, and also for overcoming the devastation that often accompanies divorce.
Taking advantage of counseling or group therapy is one way newly divorced singles cope with life after marriage, and most therapists recommend immersing yourself in new activities, and experiencing things that you never have before. Start a hobby, take a class, learn new things, and meet different people. Disassociate yourself with the old, married-self, and tap into the inner you that you were before, and always have been, but may have just been lost somewhere along the way.
Thanks to the internet, the dating world is definitely a whole lot smaller than it ever was before. Online websites, forums, and chat rooms enable people to connect with one another from across the globe. Countless happy unions found their start on the internet, and many people find it far easier to be themselves without the physical aspect of a relationship getting in the way and complimenting things too soon. This is especially important for the newly divorced as jumping into one serious relationship after just coming out of another is more than likely setting one's self up for certain failure.
There are also groups specifically dedicated to divorced parents, where both children and adults can join together to participate in various activities, or to attend different events designed to encourage mingling and meeting new people. This also great for children who are struggling with the idea of divorce as it enables them to meet others in the same situation. Of course, there are also community centers, libraries, book stores, bars, and social halls that have regular events geared toward singles.
Never look to another person to replace someone else, or to be the controller of your happiness or destiny. You are the only who is capable of making yourself truly happy, and expecting that from someone else is not only unfair to them, but also unrealistic.
